This 5 Letter Word Helps YOU Calmly Navigate Sticky Situations

The Sunday Best Round Up #20

Oct 27, 2024

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I heard this interesting story the other day.

A woman was out running in the country and reached the top of a particularly steep hill.

There she saw another woman.

This woman had a dog lead in her hand…

…. but no dog

A conversation happened-eth:

“I've lost my dog, have you seen him anywhere?”

“No sorry I haven't”

“Well if you see him around let me know”.

“Well I’m sorry I probably won't see him as I'm not from this area”

“Well OK then BITCH!”

As you might imagine ‘runner woman’ was taken aback.

More than a little triggered by this last sentence.

Luckily she was a meditation teacher…

and she pulled a little mindful tool from her metaphorical tool bag.

(Reading that back to myself; ‘metaphorical tool bag’ sounds proper pretentious.Especially if you read in an accent like Hugh Grant in 4 Weddings and a Funeral. But it's a pretty goofy phrase so I'm sticking with it).

This little mindfulness tool was:

PAUSE!

Yep.

Instead of reacting in the moment with an expletive

She paused.

Said nothing.

Tried to think nothing.

Then ran on, without causing an ugly scene.

Later on she reflected that ‘dog lead woman’ was likely upset by her dog loss, and so emotionally dysregulated.

Hence the rudeness.

Nothing personal.

But that encounter could have quickly escalated…

without the pause; which gave a vital gap between her emotion and her reaction.

A great lesson me thinketh.

And as (bad) luck would have it I was given the chance to practice this very skill soon after hearing about it.

Context…

My daughter loves to roller blade but her skates were broken.

I had tried to mend them for several hours.

But I wasn’t confident I’d done a good job.

She went on a test run and they broke again quickly; so I had to go pick her up in the car.

I don't enjoy wasted time and effort, so the hours I'd spent on the skates and then having to give my daughter a lift in the car, was rankling and cankling at a deep level of my guts.

(NOTE - Rankling and cankling guts may not be strictly medical terms).

So having driven her back home I headed to our local skate park shop and spoke to the guy there.

“These rollerblade wheels aren't turning properly I think we need new ones”.

“Look in the cabinet there for some”

“I don't know much about these things can you help?”

“Well I'm busy building a custom skateboard but after that I can. You can go see the skatepark while you wait”.

“Nah I'm OK I know what it looks like”.

At this point my inner tension was building.

I totally missed his subtle message.

(Go look at the skate park = I'm gonna be a while so don't just stand there getting irritated and putting me off.)

I wanted to be seen NOW and get my ‘oh so very important problem’ solved IMMEDIATELY.

So I stood.

I scrolled through my phone.

Impatient.

Irritated.

Ill of mood.

(Because all the I’s…)

5 minutes passed.

More doom scrolling.

More built up tension.

More frustration.

Now it was 10 minutes.

I could feel my breath tighten, my blood pressure rising.

Then I remembered…

PAUSE!

(Perhaps a tad late but better late than never as they say).

“You know what mate it's a nice day I think I will get some fresh air and sit in the park”.

“Sure I'm getting there with the board…”

I walked outside.

Parked my derrière atop a small concrete wall.

Switched my phone timer to 7 minutes.

Closed my eyes.

Then played a game of emptying my mind of thoughts.

Then when more thoughts came I emptied them again.

(Aka meditation)

After 7 minutes were up I was a changed man.

I sat a little longer just watching the trees sway in the background.

I saw a dad and his daughter buy, and then walk off with, the custom skateboard.

I sat for a few more minutes then slowly re-entered the shop.

The guy was now eating a sandwich.

“That looks well earned; take your time munching, whenever you're ready to help me”.

The guy ate half his sandwich then talked me through the finer points of skate wheels, different options, and how to best maintain them in future.

He couldn't have been more nice and helpful.

Sold me the wheels I needed.

Problem solved.

But only just.

Had I not injected the pause, the chances are that I'd have put on what my kids lovingly refresh to as my ‘angry voice’.

Which is to be honest a bit whiny and entitled, and it rears it's f~~ilthy dirty unreasonable butt~~ ugly head sometimes when I feel my needs aren't being met.

Using the angry voice would likely, and quite rightly, have annoyed this bloke.

Making him less inclined to help so thoroughly.

Defeating the purpose and sabotaging my own problem solving.

So yep PAUSING is a powerful tactic when faced with a challenging interaction, and definitely one for your ‘metaphorical toolbox’ me-thinkeths.

Happy Sunday

JFT Beach

Article I Wrote on Substack This Week:

Are You Feeling Down? This 80-Year-Old Beach Secret is Your Ultimate Pick-Me-Up - A story of community, friendship, and joy at the beach.

A Note I Shared on Substack This Week:

5 Health and Wellness Articles I Enjoyed on Substack This Week:

The ten internet commandments A great list of ‘commandments’ for us to live by online from
Arman Khodadoost
Five Faves: My 5 Favorite Quotes About Resting We all need to rest more in this super busy world; here's 5 reminders to do so. Thanks for the excuse to rest
Dawn-Renée Rice
forgive me father, for I have sinned A great list of shameful admissions which is honest, raw, humorous and so entertainingly written by the absolute queen of ~~strikethroughs~~ shame
Megan Lee
The health benefits of gathering A well researched piece on the health benefits of social interactions by
Michael Easter
It’s ok for meditation to suck A short but sweet vital meditation tip if you struggle to get into it from
Dan Harris

I hope you enjoyed today’s little compendium. If you did, please do me a favour and re-stack it, or add a comment below. I’d REALLY REALLY appreciate it.

To Lazy Sunday Afternoons,

JFT Beach