The Cost of Oversharing on Substack: A Personal Reflection on Boundaries and Storytelling
The Sunday Best Round Up #34
*** This Substack is a reader-supported publication. To support me please download the Substack app. below, and then it’ll be easier to read my stuff and for us to have yummy little chitty-chats in the comments section***
On Monday my brain had many heavy thoughts.
I needed a place to rest them.
Escaping to the Beach
So I sat on a log by the sea.
A mocha from the local cafe was the perfect accompaniment.
The Trip Advisor review of my beach sitting experience would be thus:
THE COMPANY WAS SUPERB
“No one else was there”
THE VIEW WAS MAGNIFICENT
“Floaty waves in a bluey green expanse”
THE ACCOMMODATION WAS SPARTAN
“Unfortunately there was no flat surface to perch my mocha, as had previously been advertised.
Thus resulting in me propping my mocha at an angle in the stones to reduce spillage.
UNACCEPTABLE!
I spoke to several seagulls, and a dead crab, about the issue.
To my horror they refused to even acknowledge there was a problem; lacking even the most rudimentary customer service skills.
The so-called manager of this particular piece of abandoned wood was NOWHERE to be seen.
Probably off Snapchattin’ his new gal - it seemed like THAT kinda place”
1 ⭐ RATING
“Quite frankly if this was not a free piece of beautiful nature I would be DEMANDING a refund immediately… and as for the staff, if you can even call those incommunicable animals such a thing; a severe reprimand should await them from any manager worth their sugar!!
Well that's that off my stomach.
Feel a tad better now.
But this is actually a serious post…
Really?
Yup!
It’s about navigating personal boundaries—what we share, what we keep private, and how we process our emotions in a world where everything can be content.
So back to reality…
The Embarrassing Breakdown
Earlier that day I was sent home from work… for crying!
Yup I was eye flooding puddles, pretty much in front of the entire office.
Which was totes embarrassing.
But in a kind and lovely way my manager shepherded me off and agreed a little time out.
But why?
Well something quite horrible had just happened with some one really close to me.
Exact details I won't share publicly as I have a ‘thing’ for respecting privacy, but what happened wasn't great (understatement).
And in this ‘thing’ lies the point of my article.
The Ethics of Sharing Online
In such situations, my rule of finger is that I must be TOTALLY convinced that the person won't be upset by me sharing something personal about them.
Now, or for the next 100 years.
Otherwise I won't do it.
Simplez.
Line drawn in the sand.
It’s what feels right to me.
But I want to be clear…
This is just MY rule for ME.
My own unique situation.
Everyone is different.
Many people share more about themselves and the people in their lives.
And if that works for them; fine.
TOTALLY FINE.
I am not “right” in this situation.
Just guided by my own personal inner compass.
Yet even with that said my sneaky little brain still tries to break my own self-imposed guidelines.
Witness the following internal conversation which took place in my crane-ee-umm, between my impulsive brain and thoughtful brain…
IMPULSIVE BRAIN:
”You should write a Substack note about this (current bad situation mentioned above…)”
THOUGHTFUL BRAIN:
”Why?”
IMPULSIVE BRAIN:
”It's a great community who will be supportive and send you virtual hugs.”
THOUGHTFUL BRAIN:
”True”
IMPULSIVE BRAIN:
”You may find other people in the same situation reach out with ideas and information.”
THOUGHTFUL BRAIN:
”Also True.”
IMPULSIVE BRAIN:
” It might get loads of likes and interactions thus building up your little Substacky subscriber base.”
THOUGHTFUL BRAIN:
”Also True. But I'll be f***ed if I'm going to do it now.”
Trading the pain of someone close to me for engagement?
Yukkkkkkkkkkkkkk!
Literally struggling to think of anything worse.
At this point I had a little self-hatred moment that I could even think such a thing.
Who are YOU?
You Sicko…
You Egomaniac…
You would literally sell your own family for a small scratching of silver…
[said in a Cockney Fagin-esque accent of course for authenticity].
Finding Balance
And I think that's a down side of Substack for me.
What's real life in your personal life and needs to remain there… and what's a story that's entertaining to share online with others?
A quandary.
Not just for BIG stuff either.
So many ‘story worthy’ things happen every day.
For example loads of funny stuff happened in a 30 minute walk up the beach, before I sat upon my log:
A dog being proper naughty and pulling it's ever more exasperated owner all over the place.
The local fancy schmancy cafe where I bought my mocha having ridiculous prices for what boils down to ½ a cup of milk, coffee beans and a bit of chocolate powder.
2 women walking along and in a totally polite, but definitely bullying and judgey way, discussing the social shortcomings of a friend.
Clearly being a nosey little elephant and listening to other folks conversations is less high on my ethical list guys 🙂🐘👃
I could fill a post with any of those happenings, padded out elegantly enhanced with my general life philosophising, basic Buddhist quotes and self-effacing humour.
But if everything is a story where do I stop?
Where do I get to enjoy life, where do I get to write about it?
How do I keep the 2 separate and be there, like really there, for myself and the ones I love and hold dear?
MAJOR existential crisis.
Where DO WE draw the line?
I'd love to hear how you navigate this in your own life.
How do you decide what parts of your life to share online?
Have you ever struggled with balancing personal privacy and storytelling?
Drop your thoughts below—I'd love to learn from your experiences.
Happy Sunday,
JFT Beach
Note I shared on Substack this week:
Article I Wrote on Substack this Week:
Wise Mind: How Getting Ill Forced Me to Rethink My Routine - My little story about how having a stinkin’ head cold changed my routine … for the BETTER!
5 Health and Wellness Articles I Enjoyed on Substack This Week:
How I Became A Buddhist (And What It Really Means) - LOVE this piece from
Half personal journey, half informative piece - FULL ENTERTAINMENT. If Buddhism is at all an interest to you, give this a read.58 awesome ways to share kindness and why it matters - This is an absolute Kowabunga of a list (I think the word ‘awesome’ in the title gave me all the Teenage Ninja Turtle flashbacks). Some really simple and actionable ways to be a better human 💓 thanks
25 Ways to Make Someone Smile or Maybe Even Laugh a Little - Seems like lovely little lists on Valentine’s are a thing. A good thing a hasten-eth to add. This by
is really good. I really like the tip “Instead of complimenting someone on their appearance or fashion taste, tell them you love the way they think.” ‘Tis a good one.Why cold plunges aren’t the same for women and men - As I know a lot of women read my newsletter (well a few anyway 🙂) and I blether on a lot about cold exposure this is important to read, as it outlines gender differences in the impact of cold. That said around 75% of the people I know who cold sea swim are women and they all LOVE it, so it’s a complex and very individual picture I imagine (I commented as such and
make a good distinction on this which is also worth reading).6 Facts I Want the World to Know About My Mental Illness - Bravely sharing his own battle with mental illness and helping to break down prejudices - this is a short, fascinating, yet hard hitting, piece by
I hope you enjoyed this week’s newsletter,
If you did, please do me a favour and re-stack it, or add a comment below. OR JUST LIKE… Y’KNOW… DO BOTH 😁. I’d REALLY REALLY appreciate it.
** New to Substack? You can add comments or likes by clicking the buttons at the top left of this email, if you are reading this as an email **
To Lazy Sunday Afternoons,
JFT Beach
PS Thanks to the following for… well… following!
Yep this week the following lovely people have started following me on Substack thanks to all of you
100% agree that not everything needs to be turned into a story for online engagement. Especially not when it concerns other people. We always have to be mindful of other people's privacy.
I think I was meant to read this and hit pause on my next blog post. Thank you!