Discover This Angry, Sarcastic Dog Walker's Secret to Self Help...
The Sunday Best Round Up #38
FIRST UP …
I’d love ❣️ YOUR help if you can spare me roughly 36.73 seconds…
Please click on the BLUE “Start Survey” BUTTON below and tell me just 1 thing you are having a problem with at the moment.
(Could be personal, substacky, life stuff, wellness whatever…)
Why?
I’m having my Substack re-designed by the brand/design whizeroo that is
and she asked me what problems I solve for my readers.I drew a blank - lolzers.
But it made me cogitate that as a real grown up blogger it might be an idea to know, so I don’t write tomes of stuff only I’m interested in.
So if you can help me out with this I’d really appreciate it…
On to today’s little story…
The Three F’s of Trauma…
Sadness makes you do stoo-pid things, like beefing with innocent strangers on the beach
If you read last week's little story you'll know life's been a bit tough for yours unruly.
I've been a mix of all the trauma responses lately …
Fight
Flight
Freeze
Last week, walking my dogs on the beach, it embarrassingly turned to fight.
Not an actual physical fight.
Heck no… I haven't had one of those since age 10 in the school playground.
(Fisty cuffs and bloody noses over some perceived slight or other with a kid who I went on to be good mates with.
He sadly died of cancer last year, before he even made 50. RIP friend).
Back to My Beach Totally Embarrassing Moment
I was really rude and passive aggressive to a lady.
This lady was actually being nice to me.
I know wtf?
What kind of a neanderthal knuckle dragging idiot am I?
Turns out in that moment quite a large one!
My Dogs, The Beach, And A Slight Misjudgment
Here's how it went down…
On the beach my 2 rescue woofers were sniffling all of the sea weed, dead crabs, and shells.
They chimed their appreciation in harmony:
“Woof, woof, woofy, woofers, woof”
Which according to Google Dog Translate means:
“Thanks dog dad, this is such a yummy day trip and a total sensual pleasure for our complex combination of highly trained nostrils”.
Their heartfelt thanks only vaguely registered with me as I gazed out to the ocean transfixed as I often am by its wet vastness (vast wetness?)
The Misunderstanding That Set Me Off
I could vaguely tell that one of my pooches was enjoying a call of nature.
It looked like the tingly, watery kind from the corner of my eye.
Turns out I called it wrong.
More solid than liquid (if that’s not TMI!)
The aforementioned woman shouted over to me:
“Excuse me but I think your dog just went to the toilet behind you”.
My clearly, overly sensitive mind interpreted this as:
“Pick your dog's crap up you lazy, selfish pig.
Why the hell are you ruining this lovely beach you actual scumbag!”
Sarcasm, Overreaction, And Instant Regret
I responded according to my mis-thoughts:
“YES I KNOW… that's why I've got these…
[wherein I waved my dog poop bags a tad demonstratively at the lady]
… I'll pick it up like I always do!”
My words fair dripping with sarcasm.
The poor woman responded, in a slightly sad voice:
“I'm sorry I just wanted you to know”.
About 2 seconds later it hit me:
“Nooooooooooo!
You absolutely buffonic man that woman was just literally trying to be nice.
Instead you responded so unpleasantly.
You silly, ugly piece of trash humanity”.
The Walk of Shame – Making Amends
As I walked a little further up the beach, I knew I had to try to put it right.
After a few minutes I walked the dogs back towards the lady again and waited until it was close enough to communicate without shouting, but not too close I may appear intimidating.
With a rather deserved red face I uttered to her:
“Thanks for telling me about my dog as I hadn't actually realised.
I'm really sorry I responded in the way I did; I know you were just being helpful.
I'm just having a bad day I'm really sorry”
The lady was completely chill and said it was no problem, which was nice but also made me feel even more of a hot headed fool.
The Urge To Self-Punish (And Why I Didn’t)
I walked towards home and began beating myself mercilessly with the nearest sharp strands of birchwood I could find.
A Metaphor obvs.
But then a tiny miracle…
I stopped and took a fairly neutral view of things.
I realised I'm under a lot of stress.
What I did was an, admittedly unacceptable, reaction to that stress.
I'd made my apologies, and so mentally churning it over, again and again, did nothing for me or the woman.
And with that I stopped my metaphorical birching.
It may not seem much; but that action of self kindness was BIG for me.
In days gone by I'd have beaten myself red raw with that metaphorical birchwood for hours; worryin’ and a scurryin’ about what I did wrong.
So this was real self care for me.
Simple, yet actually quite significant.
Self-Care Isn’t All Fancy Candles and Spa Days
And I think self care can be like that for all of us.
Simple but effective.
It doesn't need to be fancy schmancy Cosmopolitan cover ladies dressed in flawlessly chic white flowy clothes with an expensive flu flu candle (hello Madame Gwyneth of Paltrow) with a wellness spa bubble day on top.
Although I guess that could be fun if that's what floats your submarine.
Nope self care should really just be a bit of kindness to yourself.
Recognising that you are just a big bag of bones, flesh, and sloshy, woshy chemicals.
And your mind can concoct the most bonkers of things, and ram them out of your mouth before you get a chance to sign off on them.
You're human.
You’ll mess up.
But if you own it, apologize, and then move on, you’re already winning.
A Brutally Honest Daughter’s Take on My ‘Spiritual Growth’
When I got home I told my daughter of this little encounter.
She’s not one to mince her words…
“So dad why is that even though you do all this yoga nidra and Buddhism wishy washy nonsense, you're still just a grumpy old man?”
I smiled.
What else could I do?
In one way she was dead right…
But I console myself with the knowledge that I am way calmer and more thoughtful now with my mindful wishy washy practices, than I used to be.
They definitely calm my mind and soul.
I hope they do the same for you too, if you do similar.
Have a great Sunday,
JFT Beach
Note I shared on Substack this week:
Article I Wrote on Substack this Week:
Discover NEW Triple Water Therapy... The Totally FREE Solution To All Life's Woes - Crying in the sea whilst it rained; clearing my emotions with H20.
5 Health and Wellness Articles I Enjoyed on Substack This Week:
Your Feet Have The Answer To Better Productivity - LOVE this 💟👣 - Been a keen barefooter for years and glad to hear someone else yelling about this. Read it… do it… thank Selda Seyfi later 🙂
Shift Your Perception - This is a great little reminder not to buy into the hustle hustle culture, and the value of small, calm, changes in your life. Thanks
the dark side of sankalpa - This is a great post about the power of words, thoughts... and sankalpa (which is an intention used in yogic sleep aka yoga nidra). I am quite new to all this and find it quite fascinating and like the example of negative sankalpa given here. Thanks
Walking with Ancestors - A nice piece about chatting to trees and the human-nature connection from
Potent Pain Solution - Love this rundown on sound healing; another new thang for me. Substack gives me so many yummy gifts like this. Check it out, as it’s fascinating stuff from
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To Lazy Sunday Afternoons,
JFT Beach
PS Thanks to the following for… well… following!
Yep this week the following lovely people have started following me on Substack thanks to all of you
“So dad why is that even though you do all this yoga nidra and Buddhism wishy washy nonsense, you're still just a grumpy old man?”
Oh, out of the mouth of babes...😂
Thanks for a wonderful reminder that kindness starts at home...to ourselves.
I clicked on the start Survey button but it just took me to your publication?! 🤔